If you're planning to be a parent...

Lots of people are parents and lots of people gave me advice before I became one. I'm not here to give advice, but I think it is interesting to share what I have learned and how I have learned to adapt. I was talking with my friend Tracy today who is due in two weeks (It's a boy!) and she was saying that everyone says to her "Boy your life is going to change!" Her comment to me was, "So people thought their life wouldn't change?" I found myself thinking similar things when I was pregnant. It surprised me how many people, from their comments, didn't seem prepared for parenthood.

Some things that seem to make the difference in understanding what exactly those changes are going to be, from what I have observed, is the age in which you are having children, having a planned pregnancy vs. an unplanned pregnancy, and life experience or job experience with children (both Tracy and I are teachers). Having these things can help people feel more prepared than others to raise children. That's not to say if you aren't prepared you won't be good parents. So many people adapt and figure it out very quickly and become awesome parents. But it does help to know what you are getting into beforehand.

So on that note, from a new parent to future new parents, here are the lessons I have learned thus far:

1) You will be doing more laundry than you did before.
...I figured I would be doing more laundry because there were more people in the house that wear clothes. (Duh!) But I didn't realize that I would be doing MY laundry more often. The reason I do MY laundry more often is because those new people like to burp up, pee and poop on all of OUR clothes! (as well as their own).

2) Spur of the moment becomes "spur of the day."
....No your social life does not need to end because you have children. And you can still be spontaneous. It just takes a little more time to prepare to be spontaneous (if that is not an oxymoron!). In other words, before the babies, a friend could call me and I could set up to meet them in half an hour including driving time. Basically, just throw on a sweater, grab my keys and go! Now a friend could call me to do something, and I need anywhere from 2-4 hours preparation depending on when the girls fed last. It's not so much the other stuff (strollers, diaper bags, etc.) because I have those things set up and ready to go. It's more of the feedings. This is especially true for me since it is almost impossible to nurse in public with two girls at the same time; I need to prepare bottles or I need to be prepared to nurse them separately.

3) Time changes shape.
....Before, I would think nothing of reading a book for four hours straight, moving from the garden to the couch to my bed in between snacking. Now, I read a book in 15-20 minute increments when I am breastfeeding. It is the only time where the girls are both calm and occupied, and I am stuck sitting in one place. If the girls are both napping it's not such a great time for reading because I am running around finishing the dishes, laundry, typing an email here and there, preparing dinner, watering the garden, etc. At first I felt like I had "lost" my personal time when I used to read books for four hours at my leisure, and then I realized having kids didn't change what I do, it just changes how I do it.

4) Priorities change. (cliche, I know.)
...I used to enjoy 40 minute showers. Yes, and I am not ashamed to say it. I would brush my teeth, wash my face, wash my hair, condition my hair, wash my body, shave my legs, scrub the bottoms of my feet, and then maybe sit in the warm water and think (or fall asleep! if it was before work in the morning). Now, I still do these things but I do them all in 10-15 minutes. How is that possible? Priorities change baby. Granted, I don't wash my hair every shower (I am lucky I don't have to). Before, I thought there was no way I could do it all in 15 minutes, but now I do! Because I know I only have so much time to take the shower AND get dressed, do my hair, eat a snack, and clean up something or other....so I focus my energy and get it done! My priorities changed. Falling asleep and relaxing in the shower is no longer important when I need to be dressed. Plain and simple.

5) Enjoy the time you have together, no matter what you are doing.
...All this talk about getting stuff done and it would seem like I never spend any time with the girls. But I do! But I find joy in the little things. My friend Annette gave me this great book called "Trees are the Best Mobiles." And it is so true! The girls love looking at the trees. In the book, it talks about how to cherish every little thing with the girls. Like even changing diapers becomes a time for conversation, instead of a time for drudgery. I love the book because it fits my philosophy so well. So everytime we change the diapers we talk to the girls about what a mess they've made, how stinky it is, if it's only pee, what noises we hear outside, what we are going to wear today and so on. Their absolute favorite place is on the changing table. Who wouldn't like to get clean?
....When I am preparing breakfast, I bring them in the kitchen with me and talk to them about what I am doing. "Mommy's getting some eggs. Eggs have lots of protein. They are great for growing babies!" I sing to them or play different kinds of music. Or I just open the windows and let them listen to the birds chirp and our fountain gurgle. Sometimes they fall asleep, sometimes they coo and gurgle, sometimes they get mad and want my attention. But the point is that we are doing it together.
....When I go out to the garden to water, I put them in the stroller and take them with me. I show them the plants, I let them look at the trees, I play peek-a-boo behind the stroller. But the point is that we are doing it together.
...When I fold laundry, I lay them on the bed and they stare at the ceiling fan, and coo-and gurgle, and we talk. It seems so silly sometimes. I think that if someone came in and watched me they would think I am crazy talking to myself like that. But I believe that they listen. And the point is that we are doing it together.


So thanks to all the people who gave me their words of wisdom. Now I am passing some on. So to all you future parents out there, find your own rhythmn, take in the words of wisdom that make sense to you, and please tell me that you already know your life will change! Because it will, but in a really good way. Those are my words of wisdom!